Six ways to be more authentic


I didn’t think that I would share this on here, as it is quite personal, but I am called to do so, I think that someone may benefit from it, so I will let you deeper into my heart.

I am doing an online course, called Reversing our curse. It is pretty amazing. 200 women from all over the world, connecting online, sharing the deepest nature of our hearts. We are really exploring what it means to be women in this word. Most women and men are really confused about our roles and our place in society.

The feminist movement has been incredible in empowering women, in speaking up and letting our voices be heard. We can vote, we can work, we can have it all. Our men now cook and look after children. We can do what only they could do and they can do what only we could do. This is fantastic. And in this, we have become a little lost.

We have forgotten that under all of this, we still have our underlying essence. We are still men and women. We are masculine and feminine. We all have aspects of both in different degrees. When we don’t allow our true, underlying essence to come through, we sort of become like brothers and sisters in relationships. The passion is no longer there. And we don’t know why. Something is missing and we can’t place our finger on it.

I am uncovering my real feminine essence in this process and I tell you, that I have never felt more empowered than I am on this journey. When we don’t honour our own feminine essence and cycles, we are expressing our own misogyny. We are disempowering our daughters and other women.

I especially want to touch on the dark feminine. She is something that our society shuns and is very afraid of. When we look at Mother nature, the ultimate expression of the feminine on our planet, we can appreciate all her cycles. We can appreciate that there are seasons and some of us are starting to realise that our lives flow easier if we live according to them.

But, have you thought of things like hurricanes, tsunamis and all matter of natural disasters? That is the expression of the dark feminine. She is ruthless. She is angry. She destroys everything in her path. In Hinduism, she is represented as Goddess Kali. She is a beloved goddess to me. When I started working with her, I actually told her how afraid of her I was. I was afraid of that aspect of myself.

With every destruction, there is renewal. With every forest fire, there is new life. Some seeds in that forest cannot grow without that fire activating them. Destruction is a necessary part of creation.

A mother that stands in the path of gunfire to protect her child is standing in her power as the Goddess Kali. When She is not expressed, She manifests as depression, emotional eating, self harm, alcoholism, promiscuity and all other ways of not honouring ourselves.

This is a big topic, that I am only touching on. The reason I bring it up is that when you think about yourself and all women and what is means to be a woman, you need to think about all aspects of yourself. Not just the pretty, flowery side.

When you shun your cycle, when you say, “Oh, it’s ONLY PMS”, when you tell your daughter to stop being so emotional, you suppress the dark feminine within her.

And, unfortunately, if She is shunned, She will come out in any way that She can. So, your daughter will run off and marry a man who beats her because she has attracted a man who does not know how to express his dark masculine in a healthy way (more on that one in another post!).

You may not have thought about this before, and this post may bring up some uncomfortable feelings within you. This is not something we talk about. We prefer things to be “nice” all the time.

And yes, life is truly beautiful. And we can experience that beauty on an even deeper level when we tune in and appreciate the whole scale of ourselves. Our lives become richer, more authentic. We become healthier and our relationships become real and satisfying.

So, how can you more deeply honour your dark feminine?

  1. Listen to your body. Rest when you need to. Don’t wait until you burn out, that is the unhealthy expression of the dark feminine.
  2. Examine uncomfortable emotions. When you get angry about something, don’t suppress it. Suppressed anger manifests as depression. Depression is much more pleasant for everyone around you, you don’t bother them so much when you are depressed. On the emotional scale, anger is healthier than depression. I spent many years moving between anger and depression because I was afraid of what my anger would bring up. Anger is transformative, it will get you closer to healing. Think of the phoenix rising out of the flame. Staying in depression won’t. Get angry!
  3. Set healthy boundaries. A woman’e innate nature is one of receiving. Unfortunately, most of us spend way too much time giving and not enough time receiving. Think of the apple tree that so freely provides us with beautiful fruits. The tree would not be able to give such beautiful produce if it did not receive water, sunlight, nutrients in the soil and REST DURING WINTER. Know your boundaries and gently enforce them with people in your life. When we can’t say “No”, we hold that resistance in our bodies and it comes out as lashing out at the people we love the most in our lives.
  4. Speak your truth. What are you really, really, really afraid of expressing? In those moments of your deepest despair, what do you wish for more than anything in the world. If you only had one more day to live, what would you do? If you had only three words left to say, what would they be? That is your dark feminine, wanting to live in this world.
  5. Thank your dark feminine for the gifts She provides you. If you did not experience the darkness, you would not be able to experience the light. Life is always balancing out and the contrast in our lives helps us to focus more clearly on what is healthy and life sustaining for us. For every bad mood you have, give thanks. There is a great gift in that. Will you receive it?
  6. Go gently with yourself. You don’t have to get it right in this very instant. You are doing so well and you should honour yourself. You are a great gift to the world, your family and most importantly, to yourself. Bless yourself for every healthy thing you do for yourself, it has a knock on effect. To move a ship, the rudder only needs to be moved a tiny bit and the ship will move in a completely different direction. Know that each small step you take towards making yourself more healthy is not only benefitting you, it is benefiting your children, your partner and everyone else around you.

Have you thought about the dark feminine? Do you honour that part of yourself? In what ways do you suppress her and how does she manifest when you don’t?

I would love to hear from you. If this resonates with you, it might just be what someone in your life needs to hear, so please share it with your friends and loved ones.

In my next post, I will get even more personal and share the altar I have created for the course I am doing. If you have ever wanted to create a sacred space, but did not know how, this will be the post for you.

Blessings to you.


4 thoughts on “Six ways to be more authentic

  1. Pingback: How to create a sacred space | Peaceful mothering

  2. ceci

    Your words fed my heart and spirit. Thank you. I have a lot of anger towards others and myself that I keep inside. How can I express these feelings without harming others or myself?


  3. olgadossa

    Bless you for honouring yourself and your anger, Ceci. Expressing the anger can be scary, especially when our deepest heart is telling us things that we are really, really, really scared to face. I applaud your wisdom in knowing that it is not supportive to your healing to harm others and yourself, but it’s tricky, isn’t it? I find that getting out in nature, especially near water, can diffuse the anger enough to gain some clarity. I do a lot of journalling to release anger, you can also write a letter to the person who has hurt you (don’t send it) and burn it with the intention of releasing the hurt feelings. Getting physical is also really good, things like boxing, zumba and yoga are great. Crying is one of the most powerful ways of releasing anger, because tears are water and the water element is what needs to be nurtured in this case. Water is related to our womb centre, where our deepest wisdom lies. Be kind to yourself, it is not fun to be in this space, but it is tremendously healing when you get to the other side. Love, Olga. xxx



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